Again I find myself in that place where my creative drive fully engages only when I’m faced with serious conflicts in my life. I haven’t written a word in what seems like months even though I know I have plenty to write about. For the most part, I use writing as a means to council and console myself rather than as an outlet to brag about how well things are going in my life. I still don’t feel that people find contentment all that interesting when it comes to reading another’s blog. I think that mostly has to do with our ability to connect and relate with one another a whole lot easier in our emotional valleys. Everyone goes through hard times and I have to admit that it’s a heck of a lot easier to read about the conflicts and confusion someone else is facing than it is to read about how super-happy and perfect someone’s life is. Maybe it’s jealousy or resentment on my end or maybe it’s because all the “sunshine and puppies” stuff reads as pretentious and fake. I find more comfort in believing that everyone goes through really tough moments from time to time than I do the idea that someone out there is living the “perfect” life.
This is one of the main reasons why I sometimes feel uncomfortable around people in the traditional church atmosphere. I know that I’m as guilty as the next when it comes to pretending that all is well and perfect in my life while sitting in the pew on Sunday morning. When in truth, I struggle with sin on a minute-by-minute basis, and I’m not the only one. I can’t begin to say how refreshing and and reassuring it would be if our leaders would get in front of the congregation on some Sunday morning and tell us just how much they are in need of Jesus themselves…instead of just telling us all how much we need Him. It would very encouraging if they could just relate to us as fellow sinners.
It seems so often that we hear about yet another well known pastor or evangelist caught up in some kind of scandal that no one could have ever seen coming. It would be a lot easier to hold these people accountable and maybe prevent some of these situations if we had any kind of insight into the struggles that they were facing- we need to stop putting these people on such a high pedestal and let go of our assumptive views that our shepherds are “perfect” Christians. We need to know that just like every member of their congregation, they have fallen short. We need to know that they are sinners and need God’s Grace just as much as the rest of us. To be an effective leader you must first find a way to relate to those in your charge- it’s the only way to gain and build a trust that isn’t blind and easily broken.
We need truth. We need humility. And we need transparency at the pulpit.
The question is: how do we create the kind of atmosphere where we are all on the same level as sinners in need of a Savior?
I was on my back deck today during my lunch hour thinking about why exactly Spring is my favorite of the four seasons (as opposed to say, Frankie Valli.. jk). All I could come up with was the idea of “rebirth”. Then it dawned on me how closely that mirrors what it’s like being a Christian: The closer we get to the Sun/Son the more we’re able to grow and reach our full potential. Kind of a cheesy analogy, but I thought it was something that could be universally understood.
I also go to thinking about what my purpose/destiny is in this life. Am I fulfilling the life that God has planned for me or am I currently taking an un-marked detour? I suppose it’s time I start asking for directions… I asked God to speak to me- I mean I want to audibly hear God’s voice. I’ve read stories in the bible about Him speaking to Moses and I’ve heard others claim they’ve literally heard God speak to them. I figure if He can part the Red Sea and create the entire Earth in one short week, then I know He can speak to me in my Cadillac.
Through all of my reflection one thing kept popping into my head that I just couldn’t shake. When I visited my grandparents’ church a month or so ago my great aunt/great cousin mentioned my destiny of becoming a preacher. I would’ve normally just brushed this off as the wishful thinking of a misguided, yet well-intentioned geriatric relative, but I was instantly reminded of the time my grandmother said the exact same thing to me many, many years ago. As I was asking God about His plans for my life this memory kept pounding inside my brain… and even the birds began to go crazy with chirps and squawks that, to me, sounded a lot like preach! preach!. Talk about a scary moment… I’m not even totally secure in my own faith and yet for some reason even the animal kingdom was pushing this on me. Either that was a not-so-subtle prompting from God Almighty, or I’m just really, really paranoid.
But then I take a look at what I’ve been writing today and realize that I have a real drive to be seriously involved with this new church. Where does this come from? I haven’t seriously gone to church in two years and now that I’m sort of involved with the worship team, all I want to do is dive in as deep as possible. And then I get to thinking things like why would anyone listen to me? I didn’t go to seminary; I can’t quote but maybe a few scriptures in full…heck.. I’m a sinner in some of the worst ways (if there is such a thing). All I really have right now are my bleeding-heart, liberal Christian ideas and an urge to be of service.
So, here’s what I’m praying for everyday:
-That I will hear God’s voice
-That He will reveal to me His purpose for my life
-That He will guide me to the right path
-That I can do at least one thing every day to show Christ’s love to someone else
-That I can see my blessings for what they are and be grateful
Why do I stubbornly resist what I’m beginning to believe may be God’s calling for my life? I don’t feel nearly qualified enough. But, is that really the case, or is that just a product of my own insecurity. And really, who’s standards must I meet?
(not so) easy listening 